There are billions of webpages on the internet. Thank you for looking at mine.
Sometimes, usually when I'm standing in a queue at the Post Office, I have a flash of inspiration of something I might want to write about. I like writing about what I see. I like the ridiculous, the sublime, and the utterly banal. I've been to just about every motorway service station in England. I can review them on request.
Occasionally, I can be serious too. I'm a mouldable freelance presenter and writer who loves sound and text when it tells a story. If you'd like to find out more, please use the contact link on the left. If you'd like to leave aggressive and threatening feedback, there is a section for you too at the end of most articles.
They are likely to discard requests they deem to be trivialDate: March 2016According to The News we might be about to bail out the M6 Toll. If that happens, we'll all own a bit more of it. I decided to find out exactly what I could do with my bit of it, such as, for instance, practising my acrobatic skills.
Hindhead Tunnel 'backs Brexit'Date: March 2016Everyone's political opinion must be reported. The Hindhead Tunnel supports Britain's exit from the EU. European tunnels don't close every other weekend for spurious safety reasons - these could come to the UK, the tunnel fears.
Petrol Pump ConspiracyDate: January 2016Inanimate objects often conspire against me. I will never forget my first forced use of pay-at-pump technology at an Asda just outside Stoke-on-Trent on a cold and lonely night. This was the worst possible outcome. I can't even cope with the TV on an odd number.
The New Year SyndromeDate: January 2016I realise January 2015 wasn't just a little bit last year, it was very last year. I've already managed to miss my train, because the ticket I have just paid for is for last year. Please help me.
10 Places I Don't LikeDate: December 2015December is a month for reflection, and it is a time to remind yourself what mistakes you won't make in the new year.
This map could not have helped me lessDate: March 2016When I got lost in Bridgwater I knew where I wanted to end up, but didn't know which way to turn. This map could not have been any less helpful.
New Dartford Crossing needs more cool stuffDate: February 2016I never use the Dartford Crossing because it is home to my two nemeses: queues and toll booths. But after I'd used it for the first time, and I had so much fun. There's so much to look at!
Robert Smith's CalendarDate: December 2015Big decision but I've finally chosen my celebrity calendar for 2016. I've gone for Robert Smith's. I looked up all the lyrics.
The most expensive car park in the worldDate: October 2015When my friend was looking for someone to meet him at Stansted, I had to pretend I don't get really excited in airports. Instead I found the most expensive car park in the world.
I Think I'm In WalesDate: August 2015This is my favourite Facebook check-in I've ever done. For the next few hours, everyone's phones were broken by the horizontal stretch on the location bar. That's proper trolling.
Philosophical RoadworksDate: July 2015When I was on the A40, in a stationary queue caused by new road signs being erected, I found that the signs suddenly started speaking to me.
Southern Train StationsDate: October 2014Nowhere beyond Birmingham is worth mentioning. It's cold and dark, with border controls you'll struggle to pass. This isn't actually true: the boundary is at Banbury.
The world's worst tour bookDate: January 2014I love old maps and books; you never know what you're going to find. Like this. I have no idea why this would be produced, or why it deserves such a bold print.
Inflation Bites In WalesDate: October 2013We're all aware of pound shops and 99p stores. Well in Wales, economic advantages put them a higher class than that.
Some ironic shop spot shotsDate: August 2012I-rony.
Stop the salt!Date: December 2010Unlike most people, I happily take orders from electronic signs. When the template message "GRITTING IN PROGRESS" was first changed to "SALT SPREADING", a predictable message became much more intimidating.
My dental laboratoryDate: November 2010It is really, absolutely, not a shed.
My Printer Hates MeDate: November 2010Anyone who has worked in a supposed 'modern office' will be familiar with the unnecessary evil that is printing credit. Printing credit hates you. This is proof of that in action.
I forgot this was heading still here
Visiting the UK's ArchivesDate: March 2016Archives can be intimidating if you don't know what you're doing. They can also be good fun, so I created this guide to explain exactly where you begin.
If I were a rich manDate: February 2016For me though the charity of choice is a simple one. Having spent many afternoons stuck in stationary traffic on the M6 in the West Midlands, I read with delight this week that the M6 Toll motorway is going up for sale. If I were rich enough, I'd buy the road like a shot.
Four languages in as many daysDate: February 2016Returning from a short wander around Europe, I thought I should write up what happened to remind myself in future. That's all this is.
Never Have I Ever Used A Sat NavDate: September 2015Sometimes in life, you get lost. Pretty much every amazing thing I've seen has been while I was going in the wrong direction. Getting lost should be scary. But why? It's only a small country.
A Couple Of Places I've Been ToDate: July 2015I like to visit new places and I like to stop and take photographs of them. I am not a photographer. Well I am, because I own an iPhone, but I am not professionally accredited. In my head I am though.
What is an entertainment carriage?Date: November 2014I had a bit of a shock when I sat down on this First Great Western/Great Western Railway train. It had an entertainment carriage. With films on it! Like from planes in the future.
This forecourt is not dedicated to the publicDate: May 2014Are you dedicated to the public? Sadly this sign isn't.
Precise Opening hoursDate: May 2014Why open on the hour or on the half-hour when you can open at the precise minute?
I lost the gameDate: May 2011Nintendo DS made me lose the game. Please don't hate me for this.
That time I got tickets for Have I Got News For YouDate: May 2011As a testament to my fine planning skills, the whole thing was a bit of a rush because you no-one will tell you how early you need to get there to actually get a (decent) seat. It's still not clear, it's a bit chaotic and random. Still, I was lucky enough to spend an afternoon skiving in London, watching a recording of Have I Got News For You.
Boscombe's £3m artificial surf reefDate: March 2011In 2011 I was lucky enough to visit Boscombe, which had just invested £3m in an artificial surf reef to create large waves to attract surfers. The result was perhaps not what they were expecting.
- Things Only Customers Say
I created a website to serve as stress release anyone who has been paid to say "how can I help you". Within minutes you will find yourself banging your head against the desk. Relive some of the worst moments here.
YouTube - People Being A Bit Of A Tit
I am the owner of the world's worst YouTube series. There is too much action on YouTube; kids are going to grow up believing that there is a crazy Russian driver waiting to cut you up at every intersection. Mine add a bit of mundane reality to the mix. One time I did witness an actual accident, but I had forgotten to plug my camera in, prevented any hard-earned riches from coming my way.
- 20th Century Fareham
I did some research about the history of my hometown and a fairly large website grew out of it. It is like Wikipedia with detail turned up by a factor of 100.